I’ve Seen the Cosmic Joke and it’s Hilarious!

I had an amazing experience at breath-work this evening, and I wanted to share. I had a total flip of my consciousness.

It made me so incredibly grateful for my amazingly beautiful life. Every last second of it. The bad, but more importantly the good.

I have been so focused on accepting and healing the negative things that have happened to me, I’ve created a pattern that doesn’t completely love, accept and feel grateful for all the beautiful positives in my life.

I’ve actually felt shame and guilt for things like finding love and having a financially stable life. I actually create stress, overwhelm and struggles just to remain in this pattern!

I felt like I couldn’t really be present with the positive things in my life because it felt like a betrayal to my family, my childhood in poverty, my friends who are still struggling, or haven’t found love or any number of things. My present joy betrayed my whole life.

It’s like a switch was flipped in my mind tonight. I laughed uncontrollably and cried at the beauty and absurdity of it all. I truly felt like I saw the cosmic joke.

It was like being at the top of a mountain and instead of looking down at the beautiful landscape, I could look down on my whole life and see the whole thing as immensely, awe inspiringly beautiful. All the negative. All the good. Every moment preparing me for each next moment.

I realized that I’ve always been flowing with life, but it’s like I fell off a cosmic ship and straight into a body of humanity soup and instead of calmly assessing my situation and finding my equilibrium, I’ve been flailing. Almost drowning myself in my own absurd struggle dance.

If only I could stop, be present, accept everything just as it is and float! That’s the thing. That is it. That is surrender. I surrender to the flow!

I’m done healing the past and accepting the negative. I truly feel I’ve done my work there.

In that moment of breath tonight I stopped flailing.

It is now my intention to float.

I will now learn to love and accept and truly be grateful for who I am, where I’m at, who is in my life, my material possessions, my opportunities, my privilege, my struggles, my body, fucking everything!!!!

I sit here under the light of the full moon—just days after we’ve shifted into the darkening side of the eclipse, and now I can see the light so much more brightly in all that I’ve previously perceived as dark or negative.

My deepest gratitude to every being who has touched my life in anyway. I thank all that energy for helping me through my flailing period.

It is now my intention to allow my life to flow with ease. The flow is always there. We all feel it, I now turn to accepting the flow, the journey, the pull.

I know I will occasionally flail, but I will now see clearly the absurdity of it and laugh uncontrollably at my own genius ability to create a reality of comfort that I have grown out of. It’s absurd to find comfort in flailing but it is so incredibly normal for me, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

I will ween myself from struggle, reach out for the help I know always arrives, and stay open to this view I’ve seen from my own personal mountaintop under the light of the moon.

I’ve seen the true immense beauty of my life and that is something I cannot unsee!!!

May each and every one of you find a view high enough to see your life for the beautiful miracle that it truly is!


The Acceptance of Imperfection

This summer has been a deep time of healing, resting, transforming and integrating for me. So much has been shifting and changing! I’ve made so much room within myself for growth and expansion both personally and professionally, and I am incredibly proud of the work that I have done to get where I am.

And yet, there has been so much that has been neglected, as I shifted my focus to do this work. For instance this blog, my newsletter, my appearance at markets, and the Boo Radley garden I’ve allowed to go wild this summer.

Nevertheless, I have found so much satisfaction in my ability to let these things that are so important to me go wild and be put aside. My ability to honor the cycles of attention that are essential for my growth have been beautifully mirrored to me through the neglect of my garden.

These natural cycles of what we give our attention to are so often discarded in hopes of attaining perfection or at least a false cultivation of perfection through social media and only showing people our best sides. We often spread ourselves too thin trying to be everything to everyone and keep up the appearance of perfection. And yet, what actually suffers is our own health, wellbeing, and vitality– the things that deeply connect us to our inner soul voice and our wildness.

Therefore, I proudly share with you my wild, imperfect  garden, the reflection of my wild, imperfect self, full of native weeds, grasses, random volunteer plants and the immense amount of wildlife and insects that called this terrain home for the summer. I am pretty certain the fairies and nature spirits were also happy to call this wild place home.

I share this with the hope that you too will find room to neglect something seemingly important to you, and allow it to go wild, as you do the work you need to take care of yourself, or allow yourself to rest, or if for no other reason than to release a wee bit of that imaginary control that we impose on the chaotic, wild, ride we call life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the healing powers this summer has brought about! Have you been making room for things to go a bit wild? Have you been making space and clearing old patterns and blocks in order to make room for new growth?  Has this summer gifted you with tenacious amounts of healing and transformation? Just comment below to share your thoughts with me.